February: The thick of things

I am a horrible blogger.

I do, however, like the option of writing something, sometime, if I wanted to. So my blog still stands after months of silence.

It is the beginning of February on the cold Prairie. It seems that there has been months of silence here too. The quiet, slow, days seem void and my eyes are dulled. In past Winters, the hope of Spring has been a helpful nudge on days (and months) like these, but I feel caught in a whiteout with no apparent way forward.

Since graduating last April, life has taken a turn. School is the only thing I've ever really known, but it is over, and it can't be changed. Many of the friends I "went to college with" have gone, one by one. Even the school I attended has changed, with new students and professors. Nothing is as I knew it. So I am forced to be left behind or be changed myself.

I feel in the thick of things, this February. I'm waiting, and I've been waiting, but I don't know what for. This silence was liberating at first, but now it feels numbing. Waiting needs expectancy yet I feel like perhaps I have lost my original purpose.

I know I need to "wait for rain" as Kathleen Norris would say. I know there are signs of life all around me. And I know that the quiet and solitude are ways to kindle a great fire inside. But for today, I just feel a little lost in the fog of my prairie life.